It’s Not About You: A Tough Love Letter to GenZ

 

If You Admire Someone Too Much, The Problem Might Be You

Admiration is part of being human. We notice qualities in others, talent, vision, courage, compassion, and they stir something inside us. Healthy admiration can lift us, guide us, and remind us of what is possible. But there’s a point where admiration tips into something else: blind devotion. At that point, the issue usually isn’t the person being admired. It’s what’s happening inside us.

The Trap of Total Admiration

To admire someone completely is to see them as flawless. You erase their contradictions, their mistakes, their human messiness. But what you erase in them, you also erase in yourself.

Why do we do this? Often, it’s because facing our own imperfections feels heavy. If we don’t believe we’re enough, it’s easier to invest our sense of worth in someone else’s “perfection.” But what looks like deep respect is often a cover for insecurity. We are not really celebrating them, we are hiding from ourselves.

And when reality arrives, when the admired person shows their flaws, the disappointment can be brutal. What could have been met with compassion now feels like betrayal. The idol collapses, but the real loss is ours: we built a relationship on illusion, not reality.

What It Says About You

If you find yourself admiring someone 100%, ask: What am I avoiding in myself? Is it a lack of self-confidence? A fear of imperfection? A discomfort with my own contradictions?

Total admiration often points to a gap within us. Instead of filling it, by developing courage, humility, or resilience, we outsource strength to someone else. We tell ourselves: “They are perfect, so I don’t have to deal with my imperfections.”

And sometimes, we even start to live in their shadow. We convince ourselves that the praise they receive somehow extends to us, as if basking in reflected glory makes us shine too. But this is another illusion. Their recognition does not automatically become yours. Living in someone else’s light without building your own only deepens the silence around your true self.

Why Supporting Great People Still Matters

Now, here’s the nuance: acknowledging the dangers of blind admiration doesn’t mean we should stop admiring or supporting people who are great. Society needs people who dare to lead, who push boundaries, who shine brightly. But how we support them makes all the difference.

Supporting great people does not require losing yourself. You can stand behind someone’s vision without treating them as beyond critique. You can encourage their work without abandoning your own self-worth. In fact, this is the most valuable support you can give: recognition grounded in reality.

Blind admiration builds pedestals. Real support builds foundations. The pedestal will eventually topple, but the foundation helps greatness grow.

How to Admire Without Losing Yourself

• See the whole person. Notice strengths, but also remember flaws. Greatness is not the absence of weakness, it’s often the ability to rise despite it.

• Support without surrender. Offer encouragement, collaboration, or respect without sacrificing your own judgment or voice.

• Keep your esteem intact. Recognize that your admiration does not make you smaller. Their strength doesn’t erase yours; it can coexist with it.

• Avoid living in shadows. Let their success inspire you to seek your own light, not to confuse their applause with your recognition.

• Learn, don’t worship. Let admiration inspire growth in you, not dependency on them.

The Deeper Truth

The paradox is simple: admiration becomes strongest when it is partial. To admire blindly is to admire falsely. To admire with open eyes is to truly respect.

And when you support someone great in this way, your support has weight. You are not just cheering blindly; you are standing as an equal, saying: I see your brilliance, I see your flaws, and I still choose to support you.

That kind of support is rare, and it is powerful. It keeps admiration honest, keeps self-esteem intact, and helps greatness thrive in a way that is sustainable, for both the admired and the admirer.