A Thought That Changed How I See Giving

 

Some thoughts don’t echo—they settle. I heard one such thought this year at a quiet white building near the sea in Chennai.

The Vivekananda House in Triplicane wasn’t on my checklist, but visiting it with my friend Shyam turned out to be the most soul-shifting pause of my year.

It’s the very house where Swami Vivekananda stayed after returning from the West. Among all the exhibits and the immersive 3D show, it was a single line that stayed with me long after I left:

“The giver should be thankful to the taker, for the taker has given the giver the privilege of helping.”
— Swami Vivekananda

That line didn’t just strike me—it changed me. And I suspect it might stay with me until my deathbed.

A Quiet Shift in Perspective

Until that moment, I believed I understood what it meant to give. Running the Joining the Dots Foundation has placed me on the “giver” side more times than I can count—facilitating education, nurturing talent, solving problems on the ground.

But that line flipped something in me. I had always seen giving as something noble we do. But what if we are not the noble ones? What if we are the ones being made nobler, simply because someone allowed us the opportunity to give?

It’s a humbling idea—and a powerful one.

We live in a world where giving back is admired. Volunteering is celebrated. Donating feels fulfilling. But perhaps, instead of viewing giving as an act of generosity, we should begin to see it as a chance we are lucky to be offered.

The person who receives is not passive. They’re opening a window into their struggle. They’re letting you walk a few steps with them. That trust itself is a gift.

Empathy Alone Isn’t Enough

This new perspective made me more empathetic, yes. But it also made me more cautious. Like the “black hat” from Edward de Bono’s Six Thinking Hats, it urged me to think more critically.

Whom are we giving to?
Not out of doubt or pride—but out of care.

Not every taker is undeserving. But not every taker is ready either. Some are in a position to turn support into transformation. Others may not be there yet—and giving blindly might end up doing more harm than good.

So while the heart must stay soft, the mind must stay sharp.

From Doing Good to Doing Right

I remember a moment when we had to decide whether to continue supporting a student who repeatedly missed sessions. The old me might’ve pushed harder. But now, I paused. Was I helping them—or was I just chasing the idea of being helpful?

Before that visit to Vivekananda House, I thought empathy and action were enough. But now, I realize that discernment is just as important. Swami Vivekananda wasn’t glorifying giving—he was humbling the giver. And I needed that humility.

In our foundation work, we now ask:

• Will this support lead to dignity or dependence?

• Is this effort enabling someone’s long-term growth—or soothing our short-term satisfaction?

• Are we building real partnerships—or simply checking a box?

A Quiet Check-In With Ourselves

If you’ve ever given—your time, money, energy, or kindness—it’s worth asking:
Am I giving with gratitude? Or with the quiet belief that I’m the one with something to offer?

The truth is, the line between giver and taker is thinner than we think. Life turns fast. Today you may be helping. Tomorrow you might be the one receiving.

And neither makes you less human.

In Closing

Swami Vivekananda’s words gave me new eyes. They asked me to revisit my values, question my assumptions, and soften my sense of superiority.

It’s easy to feel proud about giving. But the deeper question is—are we also thankful for the opportunity to give?

Swami Vivekananda said the giver should be thankful to the taker.
I didn’t understand it at first.
Now, I carry it quietly—into every decision, every act, and every so-called ‘giving moment.’
And I hope I never forget who’s truly giving whom the privilege.